Normally this dog sleeps through just about everything. Fireworks, thunder, the garbage man—you name it, he snores right through it.
But this week we discovered one thing Mojo will NOT sleep through; something so vile, so treacherous, so dangerous to his family’s safety that the bulldog must rise up from his repose and meet it head on:
NEIGHBOR ACROSS THE STREET: Ah-CHOO!!
MOJO: … Zzzzzzzz… Snort! Ruh ruh ruh RUFF! RUFF! Ruh ruh ruh RUFF! RUFF!
Yes, this is cul-de-sac living at its finest: when you can hear your neighbor sneeze at 1 am.
And apparently there was something about this sneeze I wasn’t getting, because Mojo was all fired up about it in a desperate sort of way—as if there was a hulking ax murderer with hay fever at our front door and we were acting like we could care less.
Hubby and I kept shushing him and he kept growling and grunting, until he finally gave up and went back to sleep. And so did we.
And then …
NEIGHBOR: Ah-CHOO!! Ah-CHOO!!
MOJO: Ruh ruh ruh RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! Ruh ruh ruh RUFF! RUFF! Ruh ruh ruh RUFF! RUFF! (etc.)
I don’t know about you, but I’m not the most charitable woman in the wee hours. I dragged Mojo downstairs and aimed him at his crate.
Now, usually he loves to sleep in his crate. If I say, “Go crate!” He runs right to it. But he fought me this time. He ran in every direction except toward the crate, so I dragged him over and pushed half of him inside. He wriggled loose and almost escaped, and surprisingly enough, wrestling with a bulldog in the pitch black isn’t as much fun as one might think.
I’d almost worked all of him into the crate when…
NEIGHBOR: Ah-CHOO!! Ah-CHOO!!
MOJO: RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF!
Mojo took off running for the front door and I hightailed it after him. The living room was dark, which meant I didn’t see the piano bench until I plowed into it.
BONNIE: (unprintable)
I cornered our bulldog by the front door and then herded him back to his crate. We were halfway there, Mojo grumbling and growling all the way, when…
NEIGHBOR: Ah-CHOO!! Ah-CHOO!! Ah-CHOO!!
MOJO: RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF! RUFF!
Let’s just say that wasn’t one of our better nights.
And next time, Hubby, it’s your turn to put Mojo in his crate.
LOL to funny. You never know when you are going to be attacked by a sneeze. That’s as bad as my Spike saving me from a hedgehog in the middle of the night.
LMAO poor Mojo, he really does have a ‘barge arse”!!
You can’t blame a dog for being a dog.
I love this dog.
Thank is soo funny. When my husband is home my dog sleeps through eveything (EVERYTHING) but when my hubby is gone, he sits on my bed and growls at EVERYTHING. I told my Dad he was just tying to protect me. And my Dad replied “No he is just warning you so you can protect HIM!!”.
Loved your story. Hey, when you get a chance stop over and check out my new web design let me know what you think?
Blessings, have a great Monday.
My dogs have protected me from little old ladies on walkers, the neighbors toddlers, the pregnant gal down the street and the leaf blower owned by the guy across the sheet. They are vicious, tough, formidable, until Elizabeth Krecker comes over, then they are mushy and nice and want to go live with her.
I’m a British woman reading you from Italy. I love your “Monday Morning Mojo” stories and especially this one. It had me and my dog roaring with laughter. Keep ’em coming!
LOL….go Mojo! Save Bonnie and her hubby from the evil sneezes. 😀
What a nice treat to see after being gone for 6 days. I missed your humour and Mojo.
Between Queen B and her helicopters and Mojo and the sneezes, I think the world is a bit safer. 😉
Ya’ gotta love that dog! He’s protector of all he can chew!!!
LOL – sorry can’t think of anything witty…
*tears of laughter rolling down cheeks*
Then…
*tears of sadness*
I’ll never be able to visit now; elephant sneezes sound like ghost whispers compared to mine. Poor Mojo. I can’t even imagine his reaction.
We’d have to hope the same St. Francis affect that seems to melt M.G.’s dogs would melt Mojo, too.
Hey, all, now I’m catching up on my commenting!
Vanda! You must tell us more about that hedgehog attack! You should write a book! When Hedgehogs Attack!
Michelle, now Hubby and I are calling Mojo “Barge Arse.” Affectionately, of course.
Mojo loves you, too, Bernita!
Lrlwreath, thank you so much for dropping by. I used to have a cat that would growl at everything. He would sit on my bed and then pop awake, and growl at the wall, like something was behind it. Sometimes he would “follow” the something all around the room. It freaked me out!
M.G., maybe I can get you and Elizabeth to come and try sneezing in front of Mojo.
Welshcakes Limoncello… that sounds like something really good to eat. I’m so glad you came to visit.
Kristen, after I finish up here I’m coming over to your blog to see how everything was going at the RWA.
Bonnie: that’s a good tagline for him!
Dennie, I used your quote in my next post! I think heat and humidity suck all the wit out of us.
Elizabeth, maybe you can also melt this dog’s propensity to snore loudly. I think I might pay for your airfare!