Living under the shadow of the Galaxip Mega Death 3000

This morning I received an odd e-mail message:

Debbie P. wrote:
Please advise the purpose of your website, and what you are trying to accomplish.

How very strange! Kind of demanding, in a deadpan sort of way. This doesn’t sound like a human asking me a question, but a space alien trying to figure out whether or not she should blast me with her cellular disrupter.

Hey! What if Debbie P. really IS a space alien, and my life hangs in the balance depending upon how I answer this e-mail?

What if the space alien Debbie P. is what happened to all those bloggers out there who wrote regularly, day after day, for months and months, and then suddenly stopped, for no apparent reason? The blogosphere is littered with mysteriously halted blogs like these!

Suppose that one morning in the middle of their productive blogging careers, those missing bloggers turned on their computers and found this e-mail message reaching out to them from the cold depths of cyberspace?

Please advise the purpose of your website, and what you are trying to accomplish.

Being the wiseacres most bloggers are, I suppose some of them probably responded flippantly and/or sarcastically, without understanding the terrible threat represented by Ms P. and her trusty cellular disrupter, the Galaxip Mega Death 3000…

Dear Ms P.:

I write this blog because there’s nothing else to do here as I serve out my sentence. Please send me a photo of yourself, preferably nude, as well as your credit card number and your home address.

Or maybe they responded politely, with an uplifting message…

Dear Ms P.:

I write this blog as a means to share my hopes, dreams—and pictures of my adorable pet rat, Sniffelina—with the world! By the way, Sniffelina has her own Amazon gift list now, LOL! She is such a greedy little girl! Don’t feel obligated about that plasma TV, though, because a regular TV would do just fine. [[[HUGS]]]

Or maybe, they opted for the grouchy, “Hell, I thought it was obvious” kind of message…

Dear Ms P.:

Search the archives, for crissakes! If you agree with my politics, you are part of the solution, and congratulations to you! PayPal button is to the left of the contact form.

Otherwise, you are part of the problem and therefore brain dead. Please post your question in the comment section so my regular commenters may have sport with you.

Or maybe, just maybe, they ignored her, thinking she was a spammer…

Unassuming Blogger: Ho hum, just another IP to add to my blacklist. Hey! I’ll blacklist my boss’ IP, too, and then I’ll be able to write about him all I want!

And then, just because the bloggers’ responses were lacking, Ms P. decided the bloggers reminded her of various fungi she already eradicated from countless worlds! And as she fired up her blaster, she sent a final courtesy e-mail…

Debbie P. wrote:
Please stand by to be terminated.

And these bloggers were never heard from again!

Well. I do not want this to happen to me.

Dear Ms. P.:

I am not the person writing this blog. “Bonnie Wren” is a pseudonym for one of several people listed in my blogroll.

Please visit their sites and ask them what the purpose of my blog is; perhaps they’ll know.

Thank you for not blasting me,

Bonnie