I fought the lawn… and the lawn won
5:30 am: Hubby wrestles me into an upright position, pries open my fingers, places a hot cup of coffee into my hand, and bellows: “TIME TO GET UP!” Yeah, well it takes a LOT to get me out of bed in the morning. 6:00 am: Tiger and I are barreling north on the I-5, on …
Continue reading “Super Sabado: Not as hairy as I was this morning”
Upon Receipt of the Wren Family Karaoke Party Invite BONNIE: Yuck! How… gauche. Who would really ever participate in a karaoke contest? After Hearing Which In-laws Signed up for Various Songs BONNIE: Heh! That’ll be a good show. Five Minutes After Learning of the Prizes for the Most Songs Sung BONNIE: (dials phone) Micki? Didn’t …
I was chatting idly during swim practice, confident in the knowledge that 8 happy weeks separate me from that food concession I have to run for the swim team… when some awful news crashed down on me from out of a foggy, gray sky: JANE (SWIM MEET COORDINATOR/RECRUITER): Bonnie, word around the pool is you …
It’s prom night at the high school, and the streets are crawling with limos. Just think, a large number of our local youth are under the care of anonymous drivers for the minimum limo rental of 8 hours! Didi’s daughter—just a squeaky little five-year-old when I first laid eyes on her—looks like a goddess in …
You can storm around all you want and huff and puff till the house blows down. I have only one question, Babs, honey: “What have you sold”? Miss Snark, the Literary Agent to Barbara Bauer. This is what you call perfect justice. Literary Agent Scam Artist Barbara Bauer hustles a whole lot of writers. Word …
It’s fiesta season in the local high schools. And last night Didi’s daughter had a huge party that didn’t break up until 3 am. A huge, LOUD party. A teenager honks his horn as he leaves Didi’s house and Hubby tosses. Another argues with his girlfriend in the driveway and Hubby grinds his teeth. And …
Today’s Super Sabado is all about moms, seeing as how tomorrow is Mother’s Day and all. Stick around for the video at the end of the post because it’s really funny, especially to anybody with two teenage boys.
“Do not use that language at the table, young man,” I said primly, “I won’t have it.” “What?” asked Squirt. “‘Pimping’?” “‘Pimp’ isn’t a bad word anymore, Mom,” said Tiger. “It’s totally acceptable.” I snorted. “Mom!” Squirt said, rolling his eyes. “‘Pimp’ does not mean what it used to mean—back in the OLD days.” Five …
Continue reading “Super Sabado: Don’t wanna turn into an old fogey but pimps is pimps”
I can barely move. No, I was not in an auto accident. I wasn’t beat up by bullies or ground up in a shredder, either, although “Bonnie, All Ground Up in a Shredder” very accurately describes the current state of my muscles. Ow! Oooh! Eee! Ouch! This is just what happens to you when you …
Zombies to walk the streets of Sydney, Australia April 30! The undead contagion appears to have spread from Brisbane, where zombies took the streets on April 2nd. But wait! We Norte Americanos had our own Zombie Lurches in Madison, Wisconsin and Toronto, Canada back in October 2005. The undead are not only walking the earth, …
Continue reading “Super Sabado: Mo-o-ore BRAAAAAAIIIIIINSSSS!”