Sin City needs to pump iron

When the kids went out yesterday afternoon, Hubby and I locked the doors, turned down the lights, and … put in the DVD of Sin City.

Yowza! I’d heard it was violent and it was, but nobody told me about the Jiggle Factor. Let’s just say Hubby was enthralled. Lots of lucious boobalas and bottoms all over the screen–enough to make a forty-something housewife sigh as she remembers her forgotten resolution to work out regularly.

My favorite lines came from Marv:

Wendy: You sat there and took it… when you could’ve taken my gun away from me any time you wanted to…

Marv: Sure, but I thought I might be able to talk some sense into you. And I probably would’ve had to paste you one getting the gun and I don’t hurt dames.

We need more movies that use the term “dames.”

Hubby’s Greatest Moment:

(Carla Gugino makes her appearance as the lesbian probation officer/pharmacist, wearing nothing but a thong and a concerned expression)

Hubby: Hmmm. That girl needs to do some squats.

Jiggle Me This, Chicago

Bonnie’s Rating: A big, fat “Hunh?”

Watched Chicago last night. Wanted to like it. Stayed through to the end. Now asking self: “Why was this such a hit?”

I don’t get it. I must be one of the unwashed masses, a rube resting on the lowest rungs of the cultural ladder, a baked potato in the low-carb movie equivalent of fillet mignon. Maybe I should give up right now— go lie down in front of an oncoming Hollywood catering truck or something, because it’s all over for me.

Hubby should enjoy the movie, though, mainly because it’s got loads of luscious female jiggling. Jiggle here, jiggle there, from bazoombas to bohuneys — you name it, everything is jiggling wonderfully in a cellulite-free sort of way. Which would make it a totally motivating workout movie if it weren’t so boring that I ate an entire bowl of buttered popcorn just to stay awake.

And all that jiggling is fine for Hubby, but what about me? No male jiggling at all! Or at least, not enough for me to put aside the popcorn. Time to start protesting for equal rights again.

I guess the music was okay, although nothing stood out as a tune I could wash the dog by.

The Best Part of the Whole Movie: Lucy Liu. And alas, she disappears almost as soon as she arrives.

Bewitched 2005

How did a modern update of Samantha’s strong, intelligent character transform her into such a soppy milquetoast of a little girl? Nicole Kidman has talent, sure, but she’s channeling Jennifer Garner’s 13-year-old from 13 Going on 30, not Samantha Stevens.

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War of the Worlds 2005

It’s quite satisfying to observe Cruise’s character living in a chaotic row house, with an engine resting in the dining room and more auto parts than edible food stored in the kitchen. We all know guys like this, but none of them have blown off Nicole Kidman.

It’s Spielberg’s karmic realignment, an alternate reality universe where Cruise gets what he deserves as well as an epic chance to redeem himself.

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