An anonymous column landed in my inbox yesterday; here’s a fragment:
HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION (GOOD ONE)
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: How could that be true? Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it. Everything wears out eventually, so how could speeding up your heart make you live longer? That’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it more. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
A quickie Googling pulled up thousands of postings in several versions. The orphaned column most frequently appeared in forums but also showed up on websites attributed to authors like Richard Simmon’s evil twin brother Ron, Dr. Joyce Bothers, a Dr. Aiello, one Sohel Kasem (in Bangladesh), and an advice columnist named Rosy (who looks quite fetching in period costume).
I also found it in a “professional writing newsletter,” attributed to Jordan Roberts (as in: “Here are some dieting tips that Jordan Roberts passed along.”) You might notice it’s placed below “Things My Mother Taught Me,” which happens to be a column by Erma Bombeck written in 1975—not that you’d know it from the newsletter byline: “found by Albert.”
Note how this newsletter’s author took the time to post her own copyright at the bottom of the page, letting the world know her work is not to be used without permission or attribution, but didn’t take the time to discover the author and/or obtain permission of the columns she used.
To tell the truth, it took longer for me to write this post than it did to discover the real author of “Today’s Topic: Health And Why It Can Be Good For You.” W. Bruce Cameron.