Monday Morning Mojo No. 1 and No. 2

I thought I might keep a record of what it’s like to live in a household with creatures who do not listen to me, namely

1. a husband known for being stingy frugal — but who loves his bulldog more than any budget,
2. teens who prefer to store all valuables where they fall, and
3. a bulldog in a major state of chewage.

Since today is the inauguration of the Monday Morning Mojo, you get two episodes. At the rate Mojo is currently eating up our belongings, I doubt I’ll ever run out of material, but we can always pray.

Monday Morning Mojo No. 1

WHAT: 100′ Extension Cord

HOW IT HAPPENED: We were gardening. One of the kids brought out the cord and went back for the electric hedge trimmer. Within three minutes Mojo determined the extension cord to be a serious terrorist threat and neutralized it on behalf of the United States of America, God bless us all. Or maybe he thought it looked like his Nylabone.

BONNIE’S REACTION: It wasn’t plugged in! Whew! Can you imagine what the vet charges to treat a crispy bulldog?

HUBBY’S REACTION: (to the dog) My baby! They almost fried you!

BOYS’ REACTION: No hedge trimming today, hooray! (several high fives)

REPLACEMENT COST: $27.99

Monday Morning Mojo No. 2

WHAT: Squirt’s Gameboy.

HOW IT HAPPENED: Mojo the Electronics Slayer found the Gameboy to be extremely impudent and deserving of a lesson. Or maybe he just liked the way it tasted. Either way, he had easy access because it — like everything else Squirt owns — was on the floor.

BONNIE’S REACTION: I told you to pick that Gameboy up yesterday! Nobody listens to me!

SQUIRT’S REACTION: There were three stages to Squirt’s reaction.

1. Denial. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Much reaching to heaven and asking, “Why, O Why, did this happen to me?” Much ignoring of the answer: “because you left it on the floor.”
2. More Denial. Much rejoicing when he found he could still turn it on and the audio worked. Much more sadness when he discovered the video was trashed.
3. Extreme Denial. Much, much questioning of whether or not his mother could possibly understand such great loss. Much raucous laughter from his mother. Much.

HUBBY’S REACTION: (to Mojo) Poor pup! You could’ve choked! (to Squirt) Thank the dog for saving you from further Gameboy brain damage. Hey! Maybe Mojo’d like the way that damn X-box tastes!

REPLACEMENT COST: None. See “Hubby’s Reaction,” above.