The latest addition to our household is my nephew Wolfie, who has moved in with us until that great day when:
- he resumes his interrupted college career,
- he finds a job that pays him $100,000 to start, or
- George Clooney persuades him to star in Oceans 13.
For him the benefits of this living arrangement are:
- he has a nice place in which to live
- the rent is cheap
- we feed him
For us the benefits of this arrangement are:
- he is very neat and tidy
- he is a great housekeeper
- the boys listen to him
That last point is an important one, as my boys don’t listen to me any more, even when they really should.
Bonnie: Squirt, you’ve worn that shirt three days in a row! Last night you SLEPT in it. Go upstairs and change your shirt before you kill off all our house plants!
Squirt: In a minute!
(note: “In a minute!” is Teenager Shorthand for “In one minute, her lips will stop flapping and she will go away.”)
But then Wolfie comes into the room.
Wolfie: Dude. That is one stinky ass shirt. Peew, Dude!
Squirt: (Runs upstairs to change his shirt)
As you can see, Wolfie has come in pretty handy lately.
There are a few cons to this living arrangement, however. For Wolfie, they are:
- We don’t have cable,
- we go to bed by 8:30 pm, and
- we’re about as exciting as a pasture of new-mown hay.
For us, the cons are:
- The boys listen to Wolfie.
Wolfie: To get a lady’s attention, you gotta tell her what she wants to hear!
(points at some girls behind our backyard fence)
Hull-oh, LADIES! You are lookin’ FINE!
(turns back to Squirt)
Give it a try, Dude.
Squirt: Hey!
(This was not directed at the fine ladies, but at his mother, when she tackled him)
Wolfie: Whoa, Dude!—I mean—Aunt Bonnie! Dude, she took you out!