Pop quiz, everybody: when your dog looks like this all the time, how do you know what he’s thinking?
Nope, I can’t tell, either.
This is where a dog tail would come in handy. A tail is an extremely useful part of the Canine Early Warning System: if it is wagging, the dog is happy. If it is hanging low, the dog is sick, or afraid.
We don’t know why the dog is sick or afraid, unless it has something to do with the pound of butter we left to soften on the kitchen counter—in which case the dog is probably also preoccupied with deciding whether to erupt like Vesuvius on the living room rug or all over the stairs.
Yes, tails are useful things. I’m sure Mojo wishes he had one, too, because it would come in handy for dog-human communication via wagging or drooping or holding between his legs, not to mention waving banners with messages scrawled on them like, “If you think I’m going back to Obedience, you can BITE ME.”
But there’s no tail, just a little squiggle, and even his squiggle looked awfully sad today. I was THIS CLOSE to transporting him to the Emergency Vet, where merely walking through the front door costs approximately the same amount as our monthly mortgage installment. And then…
MOJO: Ho hum, I’m dying, really, I am.
DIDI: Hi, everyone, I brought Clara over for her play date!
MOJO: Woo hoo! Let’s party, BAY-BEE.
Yup, I came that close to helping the Emergency Vet make the last payment on his Ferrari. And all because this dang dog doesn’t have a tail.
The little faker.