The Six Million Dollar Mom

Squirt: So, you know, I got in trouble and got sent to the office today.

Alert! Code RED! All hands on deck! Blood pressure: rising! Temperature: fluctuating! Adrenaline: flowing! THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Bonnie: WHAT?!?! Omigod, why?

Squirt: Oh, nuthin’.

Systems at HIGH ALERT! Heart pounding! Face flushed and bright red! Focusing eyes… focusing eyes! Lasered in on offspring… stay on target… stay on target…

Bonnie: Don’t play games with me, young man! WHY. DID YOU. GET SENT. TO THE OFFICE?

Squirt: Aw… (sniffs modestly)  Just because I brought two guns… (flexes his biceps) and a six pack to school (pats his belly).

Hubby: Ha, ha, HA! Mah BOY! (they give each other high fives)

False alarm! Repeat: THIS IS A FALSE ALARM. Stand Down! Stand DOWN! Cut adrenaline! Slow heart rate… steady… steady… Remove hand from telephone… steady… Plant bottom back in dining room chair… steady… steady…

Bonnie: (twitching and mumbling)  Grrrrrrrrrrrr…. mayhem… so help me… dismemberment… just wait…

Squirt: Had ya goin’ Mom, didn’t I. Yup! Mom?

Hubby: Honey, you look pale. Squirt, maybe you shouldn’t play these kinds of tricks on your mom, although that one was REALLY GOOD! (they give each other high fives again)

Damage reports coming in: pulse and respiration rapid, stress levels elevated, took several hits to the digestive system.

Recommendations: Tums. Tomorrow, grill Squirt in front of friends about the condition of his underwear. Better yet, about that time he ran around naked at the family 4th of July Barbecue.

5 Replies to “The Six Million Dollar Mom”

  1. ROFLOL…LOL…LOL…that was good! Yea that is a good payback or open his bedroom window and throw all his underware outside when some girls are going by! It worked on my brother when we were young…..mom wasn’t too happy, but me and my sister sure were!

  2. I’m torn. On one hand I respect his warped sense of humor. But if I were “Mom” he’d be so grounded, his grandchildren would be grounded.

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