Super Sabado: Not that we’re complaining, or anything

The pool

2:15 pm: The boys and I leave for swim practice. Tiger drives, and I do my best not to say a word unless it’s

  1. a positive comment noting areas of improvement since our last drive together, or
  2. constructive criticism that will help him improve his driving skills.

An Example of Constructive Criticism

BONNIE: STEP ON THE BRAKES STEP ON THE BRAKES STEP ON THE BRAKES AIEEEEEEEEE…

2:55 pm: We arrive at the pool, despite my firstborn’s best efforts to shovel our van under the rear end of every 16-wheeler on the I-5.

3 pm: Tiger starts practice with Coach Scary. “Scary” isn’t his real name, just my nickname for him. He shouts a lot.

When he walks past my post in the bleachers, I squeeze into a little matronly ball of non-threatening motherhood in the hopes he won’t notice me.

COACH SCARY: GRRRRRRR…

BONNIE: I’m not here…

I used to be able to do work online at the pool because I could piggyback onto an unsecured wireless connection called MOTOROLA at the northeast top corner of the bleachers. But one day it disappeared and a secured connection called IRINA took its place.

I don’t like IRINA.

MOTOROLA: But I’ve got to be there for Bonnie! She needs me!

IRINIA: Get avay from here, you sniveling vorm! Dis eez my place now. Grrrrrrrr…

MOTOROLA: I’m not here…

5:15 pm: Squirt realizes he forgot his goggles, fins, towel, swimsuit—you name it, he’s forgotten it. We go into standoff mode as he tries to persuade me to buy new ones and I try to persuade him to dig a replacement up out of Lost and Found.

SQUIRT: But I NEED new goggles! I’m going to get into SO much trouble!

BONNIE: Lost and Found.

SQUIRT: But the stuff in Lost and Found STINKS!

BONNIE: I think half of that stinky stuff is yours. Lost and Found.

SQUIRT: Ew, I HATE Lost and Found. (paws through plastic tubs of moldy swim gear) Hey! There’s my swim bag!

5:30 pm: Squirt starts practice.

5:45-6 pm: Tiger finishes his practice and my sister picks him up and takes him home. Sissy must’ve always gone hungry in a past life, because she is always trying to feed us.

SISSY: Here’s a fresh-squeezed carrot juice, Bonnie. Drink it. You need it. Here’s one for Tiger. And here’s one for Squirt.

BONNIE: I told you you didn’t need to feed us, Sis!

SISSY: I’m not feeding you, Jeez! Get over yourself! Tiger, there’s a bag of popcorn and four muffins in the car. Hop in! Bonnie, here’s a muffin for Squirt after he finishes. Why are you looking at me like that? I’m not feeding you!

The pool behind my laptop
7 pm: My laptop battery isn’t the only thing dying or dead. My old cell phone bit the dust and now I’m using the new one to take this picture. The new phone has a camera! It can even take video!

I figure I need a camera phone just in case I get robbed or kidnapped or spot a space alien abducting somebody, so I can document it all. Unfortunately, the camera is kind of complicated, so it takes me a while to get it working.
Mojo

Hopefully I’ll only run into really SLOW robbers, kidnappers, or aliens. In the meantime, I do have a really slow bulldog, so I’m not complaining.

Today’s Super Sábado turned into a kind of reverse Thanksgiving post; instead of being about the things we’re thankful for, it’s about the little things that bug us, even though we know for the most part we’ve got it good.


During an inspection this week, it was noted that weeds need to be removed and the area groomed on the north side of your property. In addition, the granite needs to be graded in front.

Um…we don’t have a north side on our property.

MG Tarquini, reading the latest missive from her HOA.


Sweet decaffinated sugar-free Jesus on a pogostick, people!

Lachlan, breaking out some really big swear words that M.G. might find handy.


I returned the call only to be confronted with “I knew you weren’t telling the truth when I asked you if you were seeing anyone else this summer. I saw you with him on Sunday and you looked quite cozy together!” definitely BAD

Kathryn of Finn’s Space, describing one of the downs in her bi-polar kind of day.


3. i can make tunes by doing
farting noises with my hand. that
is about my only talent. i always
said it’d be my performance if
i ever entered a beauty pageant.
either that or putting my feet
behind my head–whatever wins
points with the judges.

No. 3 of Six Weird Things about the multi-talented Cyn, whose complaints mostly seem to center around her word counts, which are important, sure, but not as fun as making fart noises with her hand.


I wanted to put the chihuahua out there last night and have him freeze solid so I could kick him into a million little pieces, but Hubby wouldn’t let me. He was apalled at my “vicious remark” concerning his baby.

But as Secret Squirrel points out, the dog didn’t pee on HIS dresser. This is a Valid Complaint, Squirrel!


As a woman who’s been married as many times as Cruise has, I feel that I should put in my two cents. After all, isn’t it tradition that when you get married, other people should bug you about what THEY think you should do? Of COURSE!

You go, SudieGirl. And we think she put in more like $1.95.


I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU. (yes that means you, yeah you reading this!!!)

LaurelWreath, being thankful way before the rest of us are. We have to admit LaurelWreath is not much of a complainer. Something to work on, LaurelWreath!


I think the term “cast-iron stomach” applies. Plus, he does one heck of a cleanup job in the kitchen. He’s the best leftovers I’ve ever had…and I’m not sharing.

Teri of Here’s to Happy Women and she’s definitely not complaining, either.


If they can’t assure us tomorrow they are coming and close to the time of delivery we will have to turn them down. It would not be fair to tell 15 families you had a turkey for them only to find it arrived not at all or too late.

Miz Bee. If you think organizing one Thanksgiving is stressful, imagine organizing Thanksgiving for 15 families.


I’ve always tried to keep an open mind about things… oh, wait. I DID say I would never (like my mother) tell my kids “because I told you so” as a reason for them to do something. I have to admit that sometimes, when you’re dealing with kids, the best answer to “why do I have to…?” is “because I said so.”

The generally open-minded Judy, with the one exception that don’t think is so bad.


I don’t have a picture of my neighbours’ perfectly hung sheets for you as it would cause a lot of head-shaking and talk if I were to attempt to take one. They probably already think I am mad, having observed me photographing my own washing!

Welshcakes Limoncello, on what the well-dressed clothesline is wearing.


Sucker Punched… I switched to Beta today.

Steve G. of Writing and Having Fun, not quite up to the fun part yet with Beta Blogger.


I had a Margarita with dinner, and fell right the hell to sleep. I was in bed at nine o’clock. Gah! I’ve turned into a lightweight.

Yikes! Lesia! Stay away from those our Super Sábado Margaritas! Ay, yi, yi… (Please note our careful use of the ellipsis, Lesia!)


We need a monarch around here. Or at least a cool old chick we can all look up to. All of our current old chicks here in America are creepy in one way or another.

Jamie of Lunacy for Beginners on the Queen’s impending visit. And we hope Jamie hasn’t fallen for all that blather about us being a creepy middle aged chick—malicious rumors… that’s all that is. Really.


Pantless in San Diego.

No, no, no… Georganna is not referring to US. She refers to HERSELF. And Dean Koontz had something to do with it, the cad!


The doctor called me directly, so I drove to Naples last night to see Larry and tell him in person. We’re both pretty numb right now.

Erika of Mom of Two, on a scary bit of news. Hang in there, guys.


Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate people, I just prefer to do my foraging for foodstuffs in aisles that AREN’T blocked by careless dolts who leave their carts in the middle of everything while they meditate on what canned soup they’re going to have for lunch later.

The generous Ms Karen, and we say “generous” because we DO hate those people.


Ok. So lemme get this straight. It’s probably going to rain before 11am. Then it’s most likely going to rain between 11am and 2pm. Finally it’s going to rain after 2 pm.

GroovyLady, for whom the National Weather Service forecast might be just a little too comprehensive.


This is your official invitation to the Enterprise Christmas Party that starts on Monday 4th December!

No complaints here. Rather, it’s a party invitation I found over at Captain Picard’s Journal. The deadline is Wednesday, November 29. Make it so!


I’m nuts. Another hole in my head. Missing more than one french fry from my Happy Meal.

Kristen’s ever-growing Castle of Chaos. What can we say? The woman a sucker for a furry face.


I feel like I haven’t talked all week…Blogger hated me Tuesday, and I lost it…the post that is!

Bonnie Calhoun, in a love-hate relationship with her webhost.


If pushed, I may resort to suppressio veri and suggestio falsi, but I seldom lie. Don’t have the brains, memory or patience for it.

We’re not sure what Bernita‘s talking about, but damn, it sure sounds good.


DH won a trip for four to Vegas – YEAH BABY!!!

Dennie, and she is DEFINITELY not complaining.


It’ s a little crazy in the Eternal City. A certain celebrity couple have taken it by storm. Shame, really.

Buffy reporting in from Rome, where she is “grazing on anti pasta, warm red and brie,” and oh, how we hate her. In the nicest, most jealous way, of course.


I stepped on bear’s foot at the end and put some extra English and a bit of spin on the lasagna which landed in the larger pan with a wet juicy BLUUUUUP noise —our attention was immediately drawn upwards.

Uh-Oh.

The really good flipper, Dink. And that peanut butter bread looks DELICIOUS.


And for those of you who stayed until the very end, here’s a video full of complaints but presented in such a lovely way by the Helsinki Complaints Choir that I couldn’t resist passing it on. The Fins do everything with style.

Thanks, Birchsprite, for pointing it out!

I couldn’t figure out what “Tramline 3” was—I wondered if it was a cough syrup or something—but when I looked it up I realized it was a “tram LINE” or a subway line. That smells like pee. Aha!

Here’s link for the feedreaders. Or is the correct term “feed readers”?

16 Replies to “Super Sabado: Not that we’re complaining, or anything”

  1. I love the way you stood your ground on the lost and found! And that camera phone takes really clear pictures! Maybe I should rethink my no cell phone policy.

  2. Amazing how moms know where the items are. 😉

    Lovely Sabado, Bonnie.

    And a Mojo fix. Yippee! Love that face.

  3. Ah, yes, the magic of motherhood. We DO know where the bodies are buried, as well as the misplaced clothing and sports equipment.

    I can truly relate to the driving “talks.” Middle Minion does fairly well, but when he goofs, he goofs really scary. I think I’ve had that very same constructive criticism for him as well.

    Nice shots from the camera phone.

  4. I have one of those nifty camera phones… sadly I was taking pictures of the pictures on my computer the other day – I said it was sad – but I didn’t want to download pics of my crush for only $2.99 from Cingular

  5. Bernita, I don’t ever think I’ll be able to get my fingernail marks out of the armrests.

    Welshcakes, that’s Mojo’s “pay attention to me” look. I think he’s jealous of the laptop. And I’m making your chicken recipe tonight!

    Squirrel, can you tell that’s your site on my laptop screen in the picture? I went to MacDonald’s, opened up a bunch of tabs and downloaded web pages so I could read them at the pool.

    Kristen, isn’t that the truth? Right now Squirt is supposed to be cleaning his room. I’m pretty sure a lot of “lost” stuff will suddenly turn up.

    Ms. Karen, the goofs are REALLY scary. I have no stomach for this stuff! He takes his driving test next week, too. (Aieee!)

    Thank you, Lesia. By the way, I’m trying to remember your ellipsis/em dash advice. I’m a wicked abuser of ellipses and em dashes.

    Dennie, can’t you do a “Print Screen” and save the picture that way? The worst part about camera phones is texting in the email addresses. I’m awfully slow when it comes to texting.

  6. Bonnie,

    I always show up so late … I loved this sabado post. Too funny!

    I think Mojo looks very cosmopolitan and sophisticated in that shot, with his eyebrow cocked, ala Charles Boyer*. I laughed until I fogged my glasses.

    Thank you! I hope you have a lovely (and gluten-free) Thanksgiving.

    *ancient movie star maybe you remember “Gaslight” with C.B. and Ingrid Bergman?

    d.

  7. Bonnie,

    This post made me giggle …..too funny and then as an added bonus I discover you’ve linked to me ! Cheers me dear!

  8. Ha, how cool! That is my site isn’t it! I was looking at that pool and didn’t notice it at first!

  9. Oh how I loved swim practice as a kid! Your sister sounds exactly like my mum, right down to the muffins.

  10. heir’s friend’s dad (get all that – LOL) works for Motorolla and he gave me the phone – it was his FIL’s, but the older man couldn’t figure it out – it’s a really nice phone but I didn’t get all the hardware that went with it – so yeah, I probably could if I had all that stuff – but it was free so I am not complaining…

  11. Hi. I’ve been out of town and got back to find that Bonnie likes me… she really likes me!! Hope you had a great holiday.. and love the video!!

Leave a Reply