Super Sabado: and yup, she’s a Potential Murder Suspect

It seems to me that the worst thing about PMS is that you’re suddenly considered incapable of rational thought.

I mean, you make a logical and reasonable observation about how NOBODY ever bothers to rinse off their plates, much less put said plates into the dishwasher, and how you’d probably fall over dead from SHOCK if anybody ever decided to RUN said dishwasher without being TOLD to, since they’d rather just load it up with dirty dishes and expect the MAGIC DISH FAIRY TO APPEAR and wave her wand and not only wash the dishes but PUT THEM AWAY, TOO…

…and no matter how rational or practical you are, your so-called Soul Mate just says you’re starting to get all wacky on him and goes back to reading T-Nation.

Does that sound fair to you?

No, really. I want your HONEST opinion.

Today’s Super Sábado is me trying to catch up on all my reading, because if I wasn’t running, I was driving very fast, and you can’t read blogs when you’re driving. There’s no consistent internet access on I-5, and web-surfing while driving is probably against the law, anyway.

Wheres my turkey pot pie, woman?!

A mysterious question from a mysterious source in Kristen‘s chaotic life, and if that somebody had asked us, we’d have told them to ASK THE CHICKEN POT PIE FAIRY.

This has been a test…of the emergency nose explosion warning system.

Had this been an actual nose explosion emergency, the four sneezes you just heard would have been followed by a string of curse words and frantic searching for tissues.

Honey of Meet My Muse, fighting the good fight against a wicked cold. All by herself, we might add, because nobody takes care of Mom when she’s sick the way she takes care of her family when they’re sick.

I was getting nervous. Had I said something that would make the government consider me a threat? Had my secret plans to support the neighborhood squirrel population by leaving stale peanuts under my tree been leaked out? Can stale peanuts give squirrels diarrhea? Are squirrels with diarrhea a threat to national security? Was I under suspicion for tainting the spaghetti sauce with garbanzo beans, tofu, and zucchini?

Would this be my last blog post, ever?

Ms. Karen, who was stalked by ninjas disguised as apples. Really.

He’ll scrunch his eye’s closed and draw up and hang on until he’s tired of getting wet.
He’ll see me coming with the bottle and knowing that he’ll get sprayed and he just scrunches up and holds on tight.
I don’t know what to do to break him of doing this.
Not only is he driving me nuts, he scares the crap out of me just about every time he does this.

Wander of Wander’s World, and her very own peeping tom.

If ever there is a time a woman would have penis envy, it is when shes asked to piss in a little cup.

Maybe so, Cyn, maybe so, but envy isn’t exactly the emotion we have toward that particular organ right now.

In Jamestown I am amazed that Pocahontas probably got her groove on in a grass hut right around here with the White Devil.

Jamie of Lunacy for Beginners, whose passion for history is matched only by her HIS imagination. (Heh! Sorry about that, Jamie!)

Just in time for Christmas! Get your favorite geek an authentic replica of the famous firearm from the game, Doom. Nothing clears out of room of demons faster.

What do you mean by that, Mr. Grouchypants? Are you saying we can’t do a good job on our own clearing the room of demons, so you have to go out and get a new power tool and do it yourself? [sniff] No, really, don’t mind us…

Im sick to death of myself lately. Must. Do. Something.

Feith of Dear Leonard. We hear ya, Feith.

16 for four blades though! I’ll never be comfortable with that but it’s worth it. Damn.

Gary of gpshewandotcom, formerly a Sensor man, but now saving his pennies for the Fusion.

You could be a stuffed rat in a Carl Hiassen book or a character in a Chris Ware comic or… well, go and look at the complete list yourself. And pass it on, mention it in your blog. Tell your friends. It’s for a good cause…

Neil Gaiman, doing it for a good cause.

This day, this dumb bird ran along in front of the harvester. When it got far enough ahead, it would squat down, next thing the harvester was getting too close, so it would run further ahead, about 30 feet, and squat down. When it got to the end of the row, it raced around the corner and squatted down again. Next thing, the harvester was coming again, so run down the row and squat again. This went on until on the last row, it raced around the end of the row, and oops, there’s the harvester, so the fool thing just squatted right where it was.

tl of Life Got Away, who had to get off the harvester and chase the dang thing off.

As I bent over to pick them up with a wad of toilet paper, I noticed that they were kind of shiny. I figured they were very fresh. As I picked them up, I realized that I had was the victim of a cruel practical joke by my darling boyfriend.

Blogarsay‘s, whose boyfriend hoped she might think her cat was pooping out Trader Joe’s chocolate-covered pistachio nuts. Men!

Hi Grandma, I’m going to have my baby now.
They just went to get the doctor, I’m pushing. I’ll phone when I’ve had her. Oh Gradma, I LOVE YOU!


Okay, this one will melt us, sure. We’re not so completely immersed in PMS that we can’t be excited for Great-grandma Vanda of Thinking Out Loud. And it was a GIRL!

I purchased a $4.96 bunch of romaine. I paid a dollar each for the roma tomatoes. They didn’t even give me mushrooms or sprouts so I could make a nice salad.

What the hell was I thinking?

M.G. Tarquini, who was obviously thinking like someone who knows her veggies, unlike that proprietor of a mail-order veggie scam.

Dooce has Chuck . . .
Fussy has Cookie . . .
Ballpoint Wren has Mojo . . .
Let me introduce you to . . . Zeus!

Aw, first the great-grandbaby and now Zeus… dang! It’s hard to be all PMSy very long around you guys. Thanks, Mom of Two.

We’ve all but given up on the citronella collar. Basically Wilbur thinks it’s a fresh blast of room freshener going off in his direction. Doesn’t phase him in the least.

Speaking of canine cuties, here’s Joy from thejoyof, on her carwash-hating, “that screen is my personal doggie door” sheepdog.

We spent about 3 hours in Home Depot which always makes me very, very cranky. It always includes several mile plus walks in search of some miniscule object that is lost amid the rows and rows of man stuff. Meanwhile Hub gazes longingly at the drills and saws, picks them up, craddles them, puts them back down. Repeat. Repeat.

Then again, there’s Susan of Church of Angst to get us back on the PMS track. Go, Susan! In all your crankiness! Embrace the crankiness!

Mom: Do you think you hurt her feelings? Has she talked to you again.

Son: No she figures if she can’t have the best, I guess she is looking for the second best.

Heh! Laurel Wreath‘s boy IS awfully funny.

I’m working my way through wallpapers and textures….Like I don’t have enough to do…LOL!

Bonnie Calhoun, on her blog’s brave new look. Way to go, Bonnie!

The jazz combo meets.
Old musicians
talking about the days
when hip
was hep,
the intro and the outro,
melodic minor, modulation,
scat, swing, and syncopation.

Hep cat Dink, of Ink Blog. And dang, how come you got all the poetry talent, girl?

My favorite part was the motor-tricycle-taxi-car chase scene near the end. It was laugh-out-loud. However, if Ong-Bak 2 is coming out, I’m kicking it off the Netflix queue and changing my password.

Dana of Dana’s Tea House, who’s got the right attitude, even if she doesn’t appreciate martial arts flicks.

Jello shots are in the kitchen next to the “special” brownies. Karaoke starts as soon as I’m drunk enough to sing. BTW, I have dibs on Like a Virgin. Sorry, Ivan. Flood promised to do her rendition of My Hips Don’t Lie. Scott’s acoustic version of Hot for Teacher should be quite entertaining. And hopefully, the grand finale of this party will be Anne singing Britney Spear’s Oops, I Did It Again to celebrate hitting the USA Today list–again.

The scene at Jaye‘s virtual partay for the release of Pale Immortal.

It is very hot again today, so to cheer myself up after realising that the season of total body depilation is not yet over, I have been to the sales…

Welshcakes Limoncello of Sicily Scene, who lives the life we hope to lead one day, full of gelati, good sales and the option of shaving or not.

His girlfriend didn’t get nominated for homecoming queen, some other girl did. Now i’m freaking out because I don’t want that girls whole day ruined because he didn’t get her one. But I don’t even know her name so I couldn’t even tell the school who to give it to.

Secret Squirrel, a much better mom than we are, that’s for sure.

Some of the stunts these women who phoned have pulled….i swear, makes me proud to be woman LOL!! From cutting out the crotch of her ex’s pants, shrimp in the curtain rods, sugar in the gas tank, to the ultimate piece of revenge, and of course my favorite……

Yeah! This is what we’re in the mood for! Yay, Michelle! And guys, if you EVER plan to cheat on her, you’ll probably end up mowing your Persian rugs.

So teen girls like horror. Does that mean we should have more strong female characters or come up with more reasons to keep Biff shirtless?

Well, Screamwriter, as a middle-aged woman who likes some horror, we say there are never enough reasons to keep Biff shirtless.

Later in the day, as I prepared a quiche and pasta salad for my friends, I had my first hot flash. At least I think it was. I came to this conclusion as my husband walked into the kitchen and asked me why I had my head in the freezer.

Bwa ha! Leave it to Teri Mutant-O-Pausal to make us laugh.

It was jellyfish-a-palooza. People were getting stung left and right. Thank goodness no one tried to pull the old I heard youre supposed to pee on it line just to get some play. Thats just eew.

Mel of the Smooshie Diaries, and a miraculous escape.

I’m trying to be semi-optimistic because I know that God has a plan. I’m trying not to worry. Not to fret. Not to go, “Okay, NOW WHAT???”

Mimi, who’s got every right to worry and fret right now.

I look like a total alien.

Melanie, of Holy Schmidt. And we should all look so alien-like. Maybe then our husbands would listen to us, hunh? No matter what time of month it is!

Rest assured I will not be crying in my beer somewhere, or contemplating my navel in a dark corner while the animals go unfed and the dishes undone. No, instead, I will be slaving away at work and counting on the routine of busrides and feeding said animals to save me from the unbearable silence that will soon envelope the house.

Lachlan of My So-Called Blog, about to lose Bayou to the wilds of South Dakota.

On the way to lunch, I look at a flash card and say a vocabulary word out loud and Annie replies with what the word means. The word is odious and Annie says the correct definition: Arousing or meriting strong dislike.

And then she points at me.

Chris of My Mean Girl, suffering the slings and arrows of the outrageous Annie.

And so what if they didn’t show her off right away. It’s not something they are REQUIRED to do, just because they are celebrities. They don’t owe it to us. They have the responsibility to make sure the baby is healthy and happy. Besides, he was in the middle of promoting his latest movie, Mission Impossible. (Which is what many people thought baby Suri was, with all those silly rumors flying about.)

Sing it, April, only we would’ve used stronger language than “silly.”

Had a general impression of a lot of weak, victim characters – pursued, driven, obsessed – and a considerable number of negative, whiney, unattractive and basically nasty people as protagonists, whose mean and petty characteristics are emphasized and justified.

Bernita of An Innocent A-Blog on Miss Snark’s 100 Crapometer entries. Yeah, us, too, Bernita.

And for those of you who’ve stayed until the very end, here’s a commercial for a great new product on the market.

25 Replies to “Super Sabado: and yup, she’s a Potential Murder Suspect”

  1. Oh man! My ribs hurt from laughing so hard. What a week in the blog world it has been. Some of these posts….i swear we’re a tlaented bunch if nothing else.
    And yes! Beware male suitors…..timber floorboards if i were you 😉

  2. Ok my husband is bugged because I am laughing soooo hard (from the next room) and he can’t hear his TV (football game). Maybe he needs some “monthly man!!!!”. I am screaming “THIS LADY CRACKS ME UP!!!!”

  3. So, you’ve taken the chicken pot pie fairy and hidden her from me?

    No wonder I’m so confused. 😉

    Thanks for the insane giggles and the vid.

    Happy Saturday.

  4. I too, am laughing so hysterically, the Hub and his movie have reached decibals unknown to human ears. Even the dog is hiding in the library with me hooting and snorting, rather than be in the living room with the vibrating windows!

    I’m still playing with the wallpaper and texture…it’s just not right yet. At least Hub doesn’t have to keep moving the furniture!

    Women of the world unite…God made man…then He got it right!

  5. PMS (putting up with men’s…”stuff”) is so much fun. I’ve got my guys believing that PMS comes around more than once a month. I’d tell them that I’m cranky for other reasons, but they ply me with chocolate in the hopes I’ll feel better, and, well, you know, I mean, it’s CHOCOLATE!

    Great post, it felt good to laugh that hard. And thanks for the link. It made my day.


  6. You do realize, don’t you, that eventually we will need another excuse – and so will they – to explain and justify those Days of the Last Straw?

  7. Bernita, they don’t consider PMS an excuse for those Days of the Last Straw, anyway. What’s worse, PMS just seems to invalidate any gripe, no matter how reasonable.

    Ms. Karen, I like the way you think. Chocolate is the answer for EVERYTHING.

    Bonnie C., I knew you’d understand.

    So, Kristen, you never did say who the mysterious pot pie demander was.

    You’re welcome, Feith, and thank you, too!

    Laurel Wreath, we will be each other’s mutual cracker-uppers, okay?

    Heh, Michelle! I wonder what an avenging woman could do to wood flooring?

  8. Go Great-Grandma Vanda! Congrats to her on the new arrival. I think its awesome that grandma let alone a great grandma can navigate the web and blog!

  9. Ack..I didn’t did I?

    Life interrupted and tossed me out of the pot pie fairy area. 😉

    Veronica Mars, second season, Keith Mars walks into his home and asks that question to his daughter.

    PMS can also indicate time for post morning snooze. 😉

    Thanks for the giggles.

  10. I know, MediaGuy… I’m really impressed with tech-savvy seniors. Next thing I know, Vonda will be putting out a podcast!

    Welshcakes Limoncello, I’m beginning to look forward to the change, really, I am.

    M.G., I have never had any luck with mail-order fruit. None! We have great produce here, but the supermarkets have nothing in comparison to the farmers’ markets.

    Kristen, well then, please apologize to Dawg for me. I owe it to the guy.

  11. This video is hilarious!

    Lucky for me, no one has explained PMS to the Teenager yet. He believes I merely lose my temper from time to time when I finally get tired of repeating myself. He’s yet to calculate the 28-day distance between each episode.

    Now don’t y’all mention it to him, y’hear!

  12. Bonnie,

    I’ve folded Super Sabado right into my Sunday rituals. I look forward to reading it while I drink my iced coffee. I laughed from the first word to the last frame of the video. This was such fun!

    Love it!

  13. Dink,

    Doesnt it then become Super Domingo, if you read it on Sunday? 🙂

  14. Er, that was VANDA, not VONDA. Typo city!

    Elizabeth, they figure it out pretty quick, I think. I think their male relatives let them in on the secret.

    Thanks, Dink. 🙂

    MediaGuy, sometimes we have a Super Domingo anyway, because I don’t meet my own deadline.

  15. we have the dishwasher situation in our house too. i have repeatedly told hub how seeing him put the dishes in dishwaser gets me all, um, amorous but he doesn’t believe me. hey, i’ll try anything at this point.

  16. I feel ya here. Why can’t they put the dishes in the dishwasher, it takes mere seconds. And my husband goes one aggravating step further, he won’t put his garbage into the can under the sink. He will just lay it on top of the counter because well who knows why? Is bending down so arduous? It’s either do it myself or be the raving nag. Raving Nag is looking pretty good. thanks for the laugh!!

  17. I’m having one of those weeks myself. I live with three males and none of them are taking me seriously. EVEN WHEN I HAVE LEGITIMATE GRIPES!!!! Totally feeling your pain!

  18. Whoa! Now hold on, Bonnie. I never said I didn’t appreciate a martial arts flick. I GREW UP on martial arts flicks, I live and breath and sustain myself on martial arts flicks… however, CHEESY martial arts flicks I don’t have a stomach for. So okay, Ong Bak really was better than I thought, and the actor is a hottie, but there were moments in that film that just made me shake my head. Why? Because, for me, a martial arts flick has to be in the line of Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan – you can’t have both. I think I’ll post an essay on this topic some day. =)

  19. Oh, Krista! Why do men do that? My husband does the same thing when the can is RIGHT THERE, not six inches from where he puts the trash!

    Bonnie, I have to admit to PMSing in public this week. I switched over to Beta Blogger and spent about forty hours trying to make the blog work right. Frustrated and irritated, I ranted in Blogger Help. One old fart there said someone should pass me the Prozac and smear me with peanut butter. And I couldn’t say a word, because he was right. Gah.

  20. Susan, if he doesn’t believe you, you’ve got to SHOW HIM THE MONEY, BABY. You are a creative woman… come up with a plan to jump his bones the moment he and his dish are even pointed in the direction of the dishwasher!

    Hi, Krista! I can go you one better: I noticed how my man was dropping dirty socks in one spot near the bed. So I put a hamper there, right on the spot. Then he dropped the socks BESIDE THE HAMPER. The booger.

    Exactly, Squirrel. This is why all women (and squirrels) must unite and… do something to fix this. Or at least vent about it.

    But Dana, cheese is a time-honored element of all martial arts flicks. A kung fu movie without cheese? That would be wrong on so many levels!

    Hi, Lesia! You must’ve come down from your PMSing by the time you posted in the Blogger forum, otherwise you would’ve disemboweled the old fart! PMS warriors almost ALWAYS disembowel first, and save the peanut butter smearing for later.

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