Reach out and touch some Christmas bulbs, will you?

I’ve gotten some interesting recorded messages on our answering machine, but last night’s message was sad.

[BEEP]

Hello! This is a friendly reminder from Blockbuster! Perhaps it has slipped your mind, but you have several overdue DVDs —

Ooops! Wrong recorded message. Okay. Here’s the right one…

[BEEP]

Hey, Bonnie, what is that in the envelope?

Some… pictures of… Christmas bulbs? And that’s all? No note or nothing?

Call me. Bye.

Pictures of some Christmas bulbs? What?

The Christmas bulbs.

Oh! That sounds like our Christmas cards, the ones I didn’t get a chance to mail out, so I used them as thank-you notes instead. (Hey! I may be a procrastinator, but I am a frugal procrastinator.)

My mother-in-law left the message. Her voice gave a little quiver during the “no note or nothing?” part, like she was a bit upset and the recorded message she really wanted to leave would’ve sounded more like this:

[BEEP]

I certainly don’t understand this, but perhaps in today’s modern world a picture of some Christmas bulbs is all that’s necessary to express thanks anymore.

Well, I’ll take what I can get, as long as it’s supposed  to be thanks. Don’t want to misunderstand any subtle but important messages, you know.

Call me. Bye.

My mother-in-law’s vocal quivers are extremely expressive.

As I played that message, the boys looked up in concern. “Mom! Grandma’s upset!” said Tiger. “She sounds like she’s about to cry!”

“Yeah, Mom,” said Squirt. “How come you sent her some pictures of Christmas bulbs instead of a thank-you note?”

Please note that Squirt hasn’t written a single thank-you yet. Tiger wrote up a bunch, but has issues with putting them into envelopes and addressing them off. And Hubby never sends notes out at all, just calls and gives people thanks over the phone.

Therefore, I am THE ONLY ONE who’s already mailed out the bulk of my thank-you notes. Before the postage increase, too. (Frugal!)

I still have a few to finish; some of my friends may get theirs in February. Tiger’s probably won’t go out until April and we’ll be lucky if Squirt gets his out by June. But at least I’m smart enough to send my mother-in-law’s out first.

And I KNOW I wrote a note to my mother-in-law. I remember writing it, addressing the envelope, stamping it and sending it off. Perhaps I put my mother-in-law’s card back in the box and sent her an empty one? My brain—is it that bad?

Mental dysfunction or no, I had to discover what I’d done. So I gave that dear lady a call:

MIL: That was very strange, those Christmas bulbs.

Me: You mean there wasn’t anything written on that card? Nothing at all?

MIL: It was a card?  No. It was not.  It was just a piece of cardboard, with some Christmas bulbs on it.

Me: It was a card! Open it up and see!

MIL: Oh, all right. Hmmm. You’re right! It is  a card. Hmm! And I even showed it to the rest of the family—nobody else could figure it out, either! We all thought you’d sent me a piece of cardboard with some Christmas bulbs on it.

Me: (squirms)   Oooh.

MIL: It must have been squished too hard by the post office. Heh! Sorry! Thank you for the card! Well! You’ve probably got lots to do. I’m going to finish my crossword puzzle. Bye!