Posted on by Bonnie Wren

Here’s hoping your aim is true

Living as I do in a house full of males, I have a hate-hate relationship with one facet of our plumbing system.

Bonnie: All I’m saying is that if you aren’t going to clean it—

Tiger: I clean!

Squirt: So do I!

Bonnie: All right, then… if you aren’t going to DO A GOOD JOB cleaning it, then you might as well sit down.

Males: (shock and disbelief)

Hubby: What, are you kidding?

I do not think this is an unreasonable request. The men in this house, after all, are quite tall. And everybody knows that the greater the distance from Point A to Point B, the more likely errors will creep into certain calculations.

Besides, I’m not saying all men MUST sit down. I’m just saying…

Bonnie: If you cleaned up after yourselves then you could stand up all you wanted. Heck, you could stand on a ladder for all I care. I’m not an unreasonable woman.

Males: (general incomprehension, shock, and dismay)

Bonnie: It’s… icky… right now, and whereas I’d normally need a DNA test to determine the culprit, this time I know exactly who did it because I saw him leave the facilities. (her evil eye slowly roams over the three of them, then falls upon Squirt)

Squirt: (chokes but recovers quickly) What? Not me! It wasn’t me!

You should know I’m not arguing on only my behalf, but on the behalf of those innocent victims who visit our home. Specifically, innocent unexpected company victims. For this reason, the five words guaranteed to strike terror in my heart will always be: “May I use your bathroom?”

Squirt: No way! I have perfect aim!

Bonnie: That’s not what I call “perfect aim” on the seat right now, young man.

Squirt: Perfect! Aim!

Hubby: That’s my boy!

Squirt: (warming up) Why, I can hit a quarter AT TEN FEET!

Hubby: Amen, Son!

Squirt: You’re talking to the boy who practices his aim… BY WALKING AWAY FROM THE TOILET!

Hubby: Damn straight!

(high fives all around)

Living as I do in a house full of males, I think it would be best if you called before you dropped in.

13 Replies to “Here’s hoping your aim is true”

  1. Chortle.

    I so understand. And often wonder how it gets where it does in my household. Unless it’s the cats.

    Nah.

    Thanks for the giggle and the urge to suddenly spot check the bathroom. Where did I leave the gloves, the biohazard stickers and super-duper cleaning supplies?

    😉

  2. I recently discovered it isn’t the aim but the residual splash after the fact, bouncing back up on to the seat that we don’t notice

  3. LOL…ther’s only me and the DH in the house. I told him that he could clean the bathroom floor, especially aroung the toilet….he asked why…I told him, “Cause I don’t ever have an occasion to stand up and miss!”

  5. Pooh Bonnie, you’re not showing up on my thingy everytime you post 🙁 no matter, i will have to stalk you 🙂

    You have a house full of men….i have a house full of women…= hormones= run as fast as you can!!

  7. Hysterical! My men (well, boys actually plus the daddy) all sit down. Yes they do and will until they leave home. Mmmmwaaahaahaahaa (evil maniacal laughter)

    Thanks for the loving comments and b-day wishes!

  8. Hi, guys! Bonnie, thanks for the shout-out!

    Kait, would you believe one of our cats do cause some wet seats in our house? Let’s just say curiosity kills the cat’s ability to walk away from the toilet with dry feet.

    I don’t think sitting down requires evil maniacal laughter, Mimi! I think sitting down is politeness, especially if you’d rather not clean up after yourself.

    Welcome, Todd! There’s all sorts of splashy stuff going on, including splashy stuff caused by that “waggle” Bernita so helpfully mentioned. There’s also… ugh. I shall not continue with this line of thought.

    Hey, Michelle, is it true that the ladies all cycle together? That would be oh, so very stressful. To say the least!

  9. Ah, yes, Tall Man Standing. I got one of those. I think his aim is okay, but the resulting splatter…oy vey.

  10. Bonnie

    Quite agree, one of my pet peeves. Be grateful you never have to use public urinals, if you think domestic is bad…

    Come on chaps how difficult can it be to “point percy at the porcelain”? Remember the rhyme “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie – wipe the seatie!”

    Toodle-pip!

    MarkMcL

  11. Omigosh, Mark! BWA HA HA!

    Tonight I swear to heaven I’m going to use that line: “point percy at the porcelain.”

    I love it, oh yes, I do.

    Hi, Pat! I need to designate our house as a Splatter-Free Zone. That’s all there is to it.

  13. So this is what I have to look forward too, huh. Thankfully, hubby is pretty good, but when the boys are older, I’m sure there will be messes.

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