Science to warm a teenage boy’s heart

Giant Balls of ‘Snot’ Explain Ocean Mystery.

Yes. Well. I think I might have phrased that one differently, but you know how hard it is to get the general public interested in science nowadays. I think the author is trying to hit the Dave “Boogers are My Beat” Barry demographic.

But that’s not what I wanted to show you. THIS is.

Picture of glowing sea“The newly released images show a vast region of the Indian Ocean, about the size of Connecticut, glowing three nights in a row. The luminescence was also spotted from a ship in the area.” Mystery Ocean Glow Confirmed in Satellite Photos” by Robert Roy Britt, LiveScience, Oct. 4, 2005

“The source for the light emission is under debate,” says Stefan Millinski, a Naval Research Laboratory scientist on the research team, “but my hypothesis is that the glowing is caused by bacteria colonizing the organic material in large quantities of laundry rinse water from a suburban home harboring two especially large and stinky teenage boys,” he said.

“Satellite detection will hopefully allow us to target the origin of this suburban washing machine source, and with our properly equipped research vessels we can then definitively answer the question of how two human beings can produce so many chemicals that not only smell bad, but which can cause an entire undersea neighborhood to light up like a Christmas tree.”

Millinski says he has asked authorities to be on the lookout for the laundering parent of these teenage boys. She can be recognized by the usual signs of stinky chemical exposure: facial lines and creases from constantly wrinking her nose, the compulsive grabbing for every box of Tide she passes, and/or a Tourette’s-like nervous tic that causes her to cry unexpectedly, “GET those dirty socks OFF my kitchen table… NOW!”

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