WHAT: One Bandolino Pump, Size — eh, never mind the size! — Cruelly Gnawed and Slimed with Bulldog Drool
WHAT HAPPENED: Forget about Mojo saving the family from dangerous monsters. We’re not doing that today, no, no, no. Instead, we’re going to discuss a frightening aspect to our Mojo’s personality: namely, The Bulldog Desire to Pull a Shoe Out of the Hanging Shoe Holder.
|Another shoe holder, not my own.|
Loads of other, male-owned shoes were available for chewage. Loads. All over the floor. In fact, if you can make it through our living room without breaking your neck on a stinky shoe the size of small boulder, then you must be a mountain goat.
And sure, all of those sneakers on the shoe-laden floor are stinkier than, say, MY CAREFULLY PUT AWAY PUMPS but so what? Bulldogs love stinky. “The stinkier, the better,” bulldogs always say. “I stink, therefore I am” is the official bulldog motto. “To thine own self be stinky” is what every parent bulldog tells their pups.
So why would THIS bulldog decide to bulldoze his way past all those other stinky shoes, enter my closet, pull one non-stinky pump out of the hanging canvas shoe holder, and run away with it to the back yard, where he could abuse it so terribly?
Why? Why? WHY?
TIGER’S REACTION: Because you left it on the floor, Mom.
BONNIE’S REACTION: I did not leave it on the floor!
SQUIRT’S REACTION: Whoa, Mom, that’s what we all say. Got to face your punishment like a man— er, a woman.
HUBBY’S REACTION: Well, that’s what you get when you leave your stuff on the floor.
BONNIE: I DID NOT LEAVE IT ON THE FLOOR!
REPLACEMENT COST: None. I hate shopping. But oh, ho, ho, Hubby’s gonna pay, he is. I’m thinking a new haircut. With highlights. And maybe I’ll get a facial, too. Yeah.