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I fought the lawn… and the lawn won

Monday Morning Mojo No. 7

Filed under: Bulldog on Monday, November 14, 2005

Pic of dead shoe

WHAT: One Bandolino Pump, Size — eh, never mind the size! — Cruelly Gnawed and Slimed with Bulldog Drool

WHAT HAPPENED: Forget about Mojo saving the family from dangerous monsters. We’re not doing that today, no, no, no. Instead, we’re going to discuss a frightening aspect to our Mojo’s personality: namely, The Bulldog Desire to Pull a Shoe Out of the Hanging Shoe Holder.

Shoe holder
Another shoe holder, not my own.

Loads of other, male-owned shoes were available for chewage. Loads. All over the floor. In fact, if you can make it through our living room without breaking your neck on a stinky shoe the size of small boulder, then you must be a mountain goat.

And sure, all of those sneakers on the shoe-laden floor are stinkier than, say, MY CAREFULLY PUT AWAY PUMPS but so what? Bulldogs love stinky. “The stinkier, the better,” bulldogs always say. “I stink, therefore I am” is the official bulldog motto. “To thine own self be stinky” is what every parent bulldog tells their pups.

So why would THIS bulldog decide to bulldoze his way past all those other stinky shoes, enter my closet, pull one non-stinky pump out of the hanging canvas shoe holder, and run away with it to the back yard, where he could abuse it so terribly?

Why? Why? WHY?

TIGER’S REACTION: Because you left it on the floor, Mom.

BONNIE’S REACTION: I did not leave it on the floor!

SQUIRT’S REACTION: Whoa, Mom, that’s what we all say. Got to face your punishment like a man— er, a woman.

HUBBY’S REACTION: Well, that’s what you get when you leave your stuff on the floor.

BONNIE: I DID NOT LEAVE IT ON THE FLOOR!

REPLACEMENT COST: None. I hate shopping. But oh, ho, ho, Hubby’s gonna pay, he is. I’m thinking a new haircut. With highlights. And maybe I’ll get a facial, too. Yeah.

  1. You go, Girl! Punish that man for Mojo’s bad behavior! I’d go for a manicure, too. 🙂

    Comment by AE Rought — 11/14/2005 @ 6:10 am

  2. Ya know, dog’s have a keen sense of smell. Perhaps Mojo is a canine of great discernment who is much offended by the l’eau de foot odor. (‘Sides, your shoes are probably made of soft buttery yummy leather.)

    I guess you could stop washing your feet and make your shoes all nasty and such.

    Comment by Pat Kirby — 11/14/2005 @ 3:08 pm

  3. Love the color, and the fabric, i’m SUCH a girl!

    Comment by Michelle — 11/14/2005 @ 9:01 pm

  4. […] Last week in Monday Morning Mojo: our intrepid bulldog continued his quest for chewage. After exhausting his supply of those items found on the floor, he moved on to objects found hanging within shoe racks and resting on the sofa. This week he turns to those things residing in the lower shelves of our bookcases, namely, books. […]

    Pingback by Ballpoint Wren » Monday Morning Mojo No. 9 — 12/18/2005 @ 10:19 pm

  5. […] HOW: When Mojo proved himself capable of extracting shoes from shoe hangers and books out of bookcases, I took the precaution of pushing the sofa against the bookcase as a Bulldog Barricade. […]

    Pingback by Ballpoint Wren » Monday Morning Mojo No. 11 — 12/18/2005 @ 10:22 pm

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