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I fought the lawn… and the lawn won

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Filed under: Watching on Sunday, October 16, 2005

We’ve been cable-free since 1994 — we get two or three TV channels but they’re kind of fuzzy. We’ll watch TV when we travel if there’s a television in our room, but otherwise we’re limited to DVDs.

So this is what I knew about Lost: people watch a few episodes and before you know it they’re starting forum discussions with titles like “Jack or Sayid?” or “Hurley lost weight” or “Voices whispering lines from comic book?”

You know, crazy, obsessive stuff.

Picture of SawyerAnd that’s all I knew, until Sissy bought the first season of DVDs. Well. I’d been down that boxed set before.

I warned her: “This is just another Roswell! They’ll string you along for weeks at a time, throwing out little tidbit solutions every now and then to keep you hooked, stuffing the plot line with relationship discussions that slow down the story and ALWAYS include the line, “It’s… complicated.

Sissy ignored me.

She watched the whole thing and as I feared, she totally Lost it.

Then she brought the DVD set over to our house.

Let me repeat: she brought her addiction into our home.

“No!” I protested. “It’ll be just like The 10th Kingdom! Hour after hour of hanging on, only to be strung along to the next episode! And just when you think you are through, some new fairy tale mystery will throw a glass slipper into the works! Say good-bye to all your free time!”

The boys shrugged and inserted Disc No. 1 into our player.

I was frantic. “Does Twin Peaks ring a bell? Compelling theme music, interesting, enigmatic characters, but such an impossible plot line that no matter what happens, the final episode can never able to live up to all the hype! Or worse, it’ll just drag on, a pale shadow of the first season’s promise. For the love of all that’s holy, don’t press the PLAY button!”

I ran out of the room, but the polar bears pulled me back. The next day I got three weeks worth of ironing done in four episodes while the boys were at school. I watched more episodes on my laptop while waiting in the car for swim practices to finish.

And when Locke finally blew open that damn hatch, I went through the entire bonus DVD. Unfortunately, it didn’t give me the answers I was looking for, like how come the women don’t ever grow hairy legs or arm pits. I mean, look at that Shannon sunbathing a few days after the crash &#8212 completely stubble-free. It’s unnatural.

So this weekend the rest of the family is catching up with me on the last episodes, which is good, because I’ll finally have somebody else to talk to about Lost besides those crazy forum people. You know, some of them are completely obsessed.

By the way, I can’t talk to my sister until the next boxed set comes out, either, because the little spoiler is watching Season Two.


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